It's About Time

Below is the audio version of this blog post:

Since most of us have time management challenges, it is easy to agree with Albert Einstein who said “The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.”

The time management industry has produced thousands of books and articles offering guidance. Unfortunately, these logic-based strategies often aren’t sustainable.  These time management tips are based on the external 24-hour time clock and don’t account for the fact that we also have to manage our perception based internal time.

Internal time is regulated by temperament and personality. Your internal time clock is more like dream time, where a day can feel like a moment, or a moment can feel like an eternity.

In my coaching practice, I use a self-assessment tool, the Birkman Method™ that is like a personal GPS for understanding your time orientation.  Through working with the Birkman Method for more than 20 years, I have collected several basic strategies for identifying a person’s  internal time that can be effectively used to better manage one’s external time.  

See if you recognize any of the following time orientations as similar to your own, then try the suggested techniques to help get in sync with others.

Current Time Orientation

If you have a “what’s in front of me now” time orientation you may change focus frequently depending on what catches your attention.  Current time oriented people tend to overestimate the amount of time available because they underestimate the amount of work involved; especially since they don’t factor in their tendency to get over engaged in a particular task that can result in a time crunch to meet the deadline.  

Someone with a current time orientation likes to multitask and get a lot done.  However, they may feel distracted and unpredictable to others.

To get in sync, try putting time boundaries on the start and stop times for phone calls, meetings, and tasks. This structure will help keep you focused and reduce your tendency to get swept away by attractive distractions.

Future Time Orientation

This overly optimistic time orientation is interested in creative ideas and their potential. Future time oriented people tend to overestimate the amount of time available because they also overestimate their capacity to complete the work.  

Someone with a future time orientation may feel perfectionistic and frustrating to others because they don’t see the limitations of their time and often don’t delegate less important tasks.

To get in sync, try writing out a reverse priority list (least important to most important) then delegate the least important or do those items last.  Also try a reverse timeline (beginning with the deadline and working backwards). This structure will help you get started and maintain momentum.

Past Time Orientation

This somewhat pessimistic time orientation focuses on what has worked in the past.  Past time oriented people tend to be cautious, underestimating the amount of time available, overestimating the amount of work, and over focusing on details.

Someone with a past time orientation may feel stubborn to others and seem to put roadblocks in the way of progress.

To get in sync, try taking an incremental step, evaluate results, and use that data to take the next step.  This structure will help you move forward through successful iterations to the desired outcome.

Right Now Time Orientation

This “do it now, think about it later” orientation adds extra urgency to action. The “right now” orientation may underestimate the amount of time available, the complexity of the work and therefore how quickly the work can get done.

Someone with a right now time orientation may feel impulsive and pushy to others.

To get in sync, create a most important to least important checklist so you can act on “low hanging fruit” right away, then invest more time on primary tasks.

How Your Time Orientation Influences Your Management Style

Hopefully, after considering these brief descriptions, you have a hunch about your time orientation. Build on your hunch by asking yourself the following time management questions:

• What does good time management mean to me?
  For example, which approach fits your definition: getting a lot done; working the plan; putting out fires; or following procedures?

• Does your time orientation and management style feel helpful or stressful to others?
  What kind of feedback do you receive about how you manage your time? For example do others feel you get distracted, delay decisions, undermine progress, or want to do too much?

It is important to realize that our time orientation strongly influences how we manage our time. Getting in sync with others starts with knowing yourself but then also realizing that there are different time orientations out there.  If this information has sparked your curiosity about “time travel” - exploring past, present and future time orientations - use these strategies to improve your communication with others at work and home.

If you have any questions or want to talk about this blog, you can contact me via email: patwardconsulting@gmail.com or contact form to schedule a free 20 minute conversation.

New Perspectives On Old Predicaments

Below is the audio version of this blog post:

Repeating predicaments or problems are often old compromise solutions in disguise.  The stories we repeat about ourselves were created when we were young. Most of us are not reliable eyewitnesses, our personal narratives are often biased.

Why? Because we selectively remember information. Finding the missing information, our omissions, requires exploration. The familiar predicaments we find ourselves in are often directly related to the familiar stories we tell about ourselves.

That is why the actual predicament is often hiding in plain sight. Curiosity about the stories we tell can help locate our omissions and investigate them.  Omissions are not total absences of information but forgotten or unwanted knowledge. Dreams, fantasies, anxieties and excitement are often swarming around these omissions.

Ongoing personal work can result in discovering what’s really going on, but often a guide is needed to accurately interpret what we discover. The following questions can help explore, challenge and even change our old stories. The act of imagining different interpretations of “what we are sure we know” can release us from repeating old predicaments.

Let’s get started with the questions ...

1. What are your recurring predicaments? (time, money, feeling like a fraud, anxiety/excitement, trust, disorganization - this can be a long list. Write your top three struggles down.

2. Now, think about a few significant stories you retell about your life ones that define who you are and then pick just one of these stories. Also choose just one predicament from your list - pick one that keeps repeating and causing you trouble.

3. What are some connections between the story and the struggle you choose? Sometimes these connections are about ongoing struggles with receiving praise or avoiding punishment; being proud or ashamed; being who you are or disappointing others; focusing on the greater good or taking care of yourself; being action oriented or procrastinating...

4. Ask yourself how these connections keep you stuck. Once you identify specific connections, reimagine your story and tell it opposite or contrary to what you “know” happened.

5. In what way could this new version of your old story alter you familiar predicament? Sometimes this new knowledge makes a solution obvious but sometimes it is very subtle and requires more reflection.

The most important step is using this new knowledge. So keep practicing matching your stories to your predicaments until you find one with obvious connections. Use these insights to help you to take action and disrupt old patterns.  

The following four affirmations will help you remember how to gain a new perspective:

I can recognize a story associated with my predicament
I can reimagine that story
I can act as if the new story is the true story
I can notice what changes when I use the new story as my guide.

My hope is that you discover many new perspectives. A quote attributed to William Blake comes to mind, “There are things known and there are things unknown, in between are the doors of perception.”

If you have any questions or just want to talk about this blog, you can contact me at patwardconsulting@gmail.com or through my website, and schedule a free 20 minute conversation.

5 Easy Steps to Common Sense

Below is the audio version of this blog post:

Have you ever been so annoyed - that you just can’t calm down? In fact, if someone tells you to “calm down,” it just fuels the fire and you go from annoyed to angry. I want to share a 60 second exercise using the five senses to clear you head and re-focus.

It’s a 60 second exercise to clear the head and re-focus.  It requires no special preparation and can be done anywhere.  The hard part is to recognize you’re unsettled and to remember there is something you can do about it.

One important clue is intensity.  Our bodies often register intensity like an early warning system: headaches, muscle tension, sweating, a pounding heart, feeling too hot or cold, even stomachaches.

Another important clue is the complaint or blame loop that starts playing in your head. “People are unfair, disrespectful, close minded, wasting your time, or just plain stupid.”  

These body and mind clues let you know that you’re in a defensive mode and not thinking straight. This five step exercise uses your five senses to restore your common sense.

What do you see?

Look ... at a photo of someone you love, out the window, up and down, at art on the wall

What do you hear?

Listen ... to the sounds outside, to your heart beating, to your own breathing, to sounds in the room

What do you smell?

Inhale ... your colleagues’ cologne, the air around you, your cup of coffee, the lotion on your hands

What do you taste?

Savor ... the mint in your mouth, the carbonation in your soda, the nuts in a muffin, the salt on a pretzel

What are you touching?

Feel ... the floor under your feet, the texture of your hair, your hands on the table, the coolness of a glass

Here is an example of how a client used this exercise to calm down and start noticing what she could do differently to change a stressful situation.  My client often felt put down in business meetings.  She felt that nobody listened when she spoke. Adding insult to injury was when colleagues expressed ideas similar to hers and their ideas would get the group talking.

In the weekly business meeting, she recognized that she was crossing her arms and feeling annoyed.  She also noticed that a mental loop of resentment was playing in her head, “nobody is listening to me, and there goes someone else getting credit for my idea” 

Because she was able to notice her body/mind clues she took a soft, deep breath, placed a mint in her mouth and completed the 60 second scan of her senses. She ended with another soft, deep breath.

She felt calmer and ready to turn her full attention back to being a member of the group. Sure enough she noticed something new - when others used certain words and phrases, ones she had considered just “jargon,” those phrases actually stimulated group discussion.

Then she remembered that the company’s CEO often used key phrases at his town meetings and that corporate ads often featured the same language.

So she tried expressing her ideas in a different way and used the phrases other influential colleagues used. The discussion on the table was about recent travel cutbacks and her contribution went like this, “Since travel expenses are being modified to enhance revenue. I would like to propose we consider the ROI of setting up two new video conference rooms to maintain our current level of client contact”

 To her delight, the group enthusiastically discussed her proposal. She was very satisfied to have a strategy that helped her get unstuck.  She also surprised to learn that she didn’t use the same language as her colleagues when she wanted to her point across and how easy that was to change.

So don’t allow being defensive to hijack your common sense.  Use this quick and effective exercise to help you discover new ways to work. And remember, as we say in my family when going out the front door, “Don’t forget to use your common senses.”   

If you want to try out this strategy, I am happy to offer a free 20 minute consultation. Just send me an email: patwardconsulting@gmail.com

UnTeachable Moments

Most people have only heard about the teachable moments – spontaneous opportunities to gain insight and learn something new.  Yet when other people give us unsolicited feedback, want us to see the consequences of our actions, or teach us a lesson – these are called unteachable moments.  Not knowing the difference between a teachable and an unteachable moment results in frustration, annoyance, and resentment.  

Usually, unteachable moments involve power struggles.  Feeling like learning is being imposed on us, especially by authority figures such as parents, teachers, bosses, or even friends can trigger an automatic defensive reaction.  

We may believe that if we do what we’re told, then we are losing. The other person may believe that if we don’t do what they have told us, then they are letting us win. This is how suggestions and advice can trigger both parties into locking into a win-or-lose battle.

When we engage in a power struggle, we also lose any opportunity to learn from the experience.  The reflective and responsive parts of our brain go offline when the posterior region of our brain is stimulated, and our survival reactions are triggered.

Red Flags

The following cues are “red flags” that can help you recognize an unteachable moment—either as the teacher or the recipient of the teaching:

• You only agree with some of what the other person has said.  You feel compelled to share your insights and explain the real reasons for the problem. This is called a “yes/but” because after you agree, you then bring up how the other person is wrong.
• You or the other person’s body language gets stiff, tone of voice gets harsh, loud, sarcastic, etc. and breathing gets shallow.
• You both keep repeating the same lines, as if the other person just didn’t get it the first  time and being redundant will help. 
• You react with overly defiant (fight) or overly compliant (flight) behaviors.  Some people raise their voice and become argumentative (fight), while others may shut down or just give in (flight).

Redirection Strategies

Paying attention to “red flags” helps you to intervene on your own behalf. Recognizing your “red flags” allows you to redirect your attention from defensive stress reactions to strategic problem solving. The following strategies can help you stay calmer, shorten the duration of a power struggle, and even decrease the likelihood of the unteachable moment happening in the first place by not fueling the fire:

• Breathing – Stress reactions produce shallow breathing.  Slow, deep breaths signal to your brain and body that it is okay to calm down.
• Simply Noticing - Interpret the situation as an outside observer and don’t judge yourself or the other person.  Paying attention in this way is called mindfulness and allows the brain’s frontal cortex - the source of awareness, higher level reasoning, and resilience - to help you respond appropriately.
• Finding Humor – Give the repeating predicament and role you find yourself in a memorable name.  For example, when I feel responsibilities being piled on, I call that role “Cinderella.” Naming it helps me stop feeling overwhelmed so that I can then explore what’s up with me. When a young male client feels put upon he becomes sarcastic, and we call that behavior being “Bart Simpson.” Naming the role helps him stop being snarky, because Bart Simpson is an obnoxious kid and that’s not how he wants to be seen.

In The Moment

• Take a Break and Unlock – When you notice any of the red flags listed above acknowledge to yourself that you are locked into a reactive loop.  Your stuff triggers their stuff and that cycle begins to escalate.
• Call a timeout – Bathroom breaks and getting some water are handy reasons to step away, since few people will challenge a biological need.  Once you get a break, the quickest way to unlock is to ask yourself, “What would I have done differently?”
• Being curious and able to imagine a different behavior for yourself activates the reflective, curious, and responsive part of your brain.  You unlock.
• What is the goal? – Many heated arguments are not about anything important. Remind yourself of what’s the point of the conversation.  It can help you accomplish something, rather than feel you have wasted your time and have kept hitting your head against a wall.
• One Step at a Time - Propose something you both can agree on – mutually beneficial items work well.  It’s not the size of the item but that you both have taken a step in the right direction that is important.  You can build on an agreement no matter how basic.  An example would be to avoid talking about stuff at the end of the day when fatigue, hunger, or impatience tend to be higher.

Advance Work

• Know what triggers your defensive reactions and have a plan for dealing with conflict, even if you don’t actually have to use it.  Being prepared helps you to feel confident that you will act and not react in a stressful situation.
• Talk confidentially about your feelings, particularly the negative ones with someone who is not directly involved. If you want to try this strategy out, I am providing a free 20-minute consultation to everyone who receives my blog post.
  
  Use the contact form below to receive a follow-up email with some possible dates and times for a conversation.

Getting Unstuck

There is a folk saying about how to get out of a hole – put down the shovel and stop digging. Getting stuck in no win behavior is called commitment bias. Economists, marketers, and psychologists study its causes and effects.

Commitment bias refers to a behavior you keep doing regardless of its effectiveness because you have already invested so many resources into that course of action. The commitment becomes a point of pride insulating you from acknowledging wasting all that time, money, and effort. Unfortunately, this self-protective thinking is also irrational and ignores all the facts that are telling you to make a course correction.

Recognize You Are Stuck

The first and most difficult step to getting unstuck is to recognize that you have dug yourself into a hole. Recognition requires that you monitor results (is what you want actually happening?), reassess your motivation (why did you get into this and is that reason still valid?), and most importantly, keeping an open mind instead of becoming defensive when others ask you questions. Taking on the role of a skeptical friend will help you consider an exit strategy, rather than locking into the mantra “failure is not an option.”

Another way to tell you are in too deep is if you are making excuses, complaining, blaming, and being self-righteous – you may even believe that everyone else has a closed mind. Those generalizations are flashing red lights telling you to stop, look, and listen.

Make A Course Correction

Once you have recognized the problem and stopped the problematic behavior, then make the course correction. Course correction is a dynamic process that allows you to learn from your mistakes and get back on track. The best course corrections are made using multiple sources of data. Consider using your internal data, such as interpreting defensive behavior as a cue to stop and reevaluate your position as well as paying attention to external data, such as political, economic, social, and technological trends as clues to help you turn the situation around.

Learn to Succeed

Purpose, results, outcomes, goals, ends are words with similar meanings and can all be measured. If you have committed to an action, what will success look like and how will you measure your return on the investment you have made of time, money, or effort? If you can’t answer these questions, then you may not actually want to succeed. For you, the dream of success may be more important to maintain than focusing your resources on actually succeeding.

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” - General Colin Powell

Ask yourself, do you believe there are secrets to success that you just need to discover? Or more realistically, are you prepared to work hard, learn from failure, and make the necessary course corrections to succeed?